I’ve hated my body since as far back as I can remember. I have never looked in the mirror at my body and thought, ‘Wow, I’m beautiful. I love what I’m seeing.’ Sure, there have been moments where I’ve been proud of myself and how improvements in my body, but I have never liked what I saw.
I can handle that, because I’m making strides toward fixing that problem, but the ridiculous part is how my disliking my body has affected my entire life and the lives of those around me. Looking back on my life, that’s not a way to live and I’ll be damned if I don’t do something to stop a future generation from living with that kind of shame.
No little girl should cry about having to go to the beach because she’s ashamed of wearing a bathing suit. No little girl should have to eat before birthday parties because she doesn’t want other people to see her eat in public. No little girl should spend half her day obsessing about her weight, body and clothes. No little girl should hate shopping with her friends because she can’t shop at those ‘skinny’ stores. No little girl should be afraid to get on the trampoline for fear that people will notice how heavy she is.
Yes, I went through those things. I spent more time worrying, dieting, going to gyms, nutritionists and personal trainers than I did being active with my friends. That’s no way for a pre-teen or teenage girl to live her life, but that’s how I lived mine. I could blame it on a million different things, but I now realize I had the power the entire time. Had I decided to love myself, and treat my body with respect and care, you’d be talking to a completely different person. BUT. That’s what happened and this is who I am. I’ll be damned if I don’t do anything to create a better world for other little girls. I didn’t deserve it and neither do they.